The Many Deaths of Green Spandex
by momogo7
Summary: I decided to combine A Letter From My Boys and The Rivalry Between Neji and Lee to create a collection of oneshots dedicated to Team Gai. I'll be adding more stories as time progresses so look out for them! Rated T for language. nejiten.
1. The Rivalry Between Neji and Lee

Over the years, Lee and I have developed a rivalry exactly like the one that was between our sensei Gai and his longtime rival Kakashi. At first I tried to ignore the rivalry, but when Lee started to count all of the challenges that I had declined as his winnings, my pride won over I joined in on this foolish tradition. Every Thursday, Lee and I would meet at his dojo to establish and complete any challenges that the other suggests.

So now at the age of twenty-four, we are tied 47- 47, and it's Lee's turn to pick our challenge today. I just hope it doesn't involve 50-pound weights, flour, a bag of dead rotting fish, and the Curry of Life like last time.

Walking into his dojo, I am greeted by Lee, "SO! YOU HAVE COME, MY RIVAL NEJI!"

I sigh, "Don't I always?"

He grins madly and jumps down from the support beam that he had been dangling off of mere seconds ago.

"So, what's the challenge for today?" I ask. "Have you decided yet?"

His grin stretches to a size impossible to achieve by any normal person, then again Lee is far from normal.

"Well?" I ask. My patience is growing thin, and that grin of his makes me feel uneasy and queasy.

"I, ROCK LEE, CHALLENGE YOU, HYUGA NEJI, TO A HUNT FOR…"

"… For what?"

"A SHRUBBERY!"

"… Lee, you're an idiot."

"OHHHH! IS NEJI AFRAID OF THIS DIFFICULT CHALLENGE?"

"No."

"THEN LET US BEGIN! READY, GO!"

"Done," I say before Lee bolted out the door.

"WHAT?!"

"Lee, your dojo is surrounded by shrubbery," I sigh pointing out the window to said shrubbery.

"OH! I NEVER NOTICED!"

"Moron."

"WELL THEN, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE WON THIS ONE, NEJI!"

"Hn."

"SO, DO YOU HAVE A CHALLENGE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO OFFER ME RIGHT NOW?"

"No, let's spar. I'll come up with one after that."

"YOSH! WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL!"

* * *

After finishing our spar, I decided it would be best to refocus myself, so while I sat there meditating, Lee practiced his punches on one of the wooden dummies that filled a corner in his dojo.

It was peaceful. The only sounds were Lee's fists hitting the wood and our breathing. A wave of nostalgia hit me as I thought back to times when Team Gai was first formed. But something was missing, an element that would make our peaceful training whole. Tenten, if only she were…

Hmm… that's not a bad idea.

"Lee."

Startled by the sudden sound of my voice, Lee looked at me with a confused face.

"Hai?"

"I have a challenge." That certainly boosted his spirits.

"YOSH! WHATEVER YOUR CHALLENGE, I WILL FACE IT!"

"Very well, the first person to carry Tenten back here to your dojo wins."

* * *

"That's great girls, keep up the good work!" Tenten's voice rang across the training grounds.

Similar to how Shikamaru had to teach a class at the academy, Tenten was assigned to teach a self-defense class to the female citizens of the village.

"Excellent work, Ayame! That was perfect! All right, let's all gather around really quick so I can explain a couple more moves." As the girls started to form a semi-circle in front of Tenten, they were quite unaware of two certain Jounin hiding near by, one in a tree, the other in a bush with a fake bird on his head.

Seeing Lee with that ridiculous fake bird on his head made Neji roll his eyes.

'This should be entertaining,' Neji thought.

Slowly the bush with the bird perched atop it crept closer to Tenten. Finally when he was right behind her, he leapt up with arms, and wings, stretched out and attempted to grab the young woman.

'Almost got her…' Lee told himself.

_BAM! _Her elbow made contact with his stomach.

Lee emitted a low groan.

"And that is how you stop an attacker when he's coming from behind. Well, ladies, I think this end o our lesson today. See you all next week!"

As the girls start to depart from the training area, Tenten rounded on Lee.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I, uh, I was practicing my stealth skills?"

"Aww, why didn't you invite me?"

"Yes, well, that's why I am here! To pick you up so we can go back to my dojo and practice! COME LET US GO! I SHALL CARRY YOU!"

Leaping from his place in the trees, Neji "flew" at the two, tackling them down to the ground.

"Like hell you are!" Neji declared as he and Lee started wrestling. Tenten, who had crawled out of the fray, slowly started backing away. When she was about ten feet away, she turned around and ran for it.

Neji noticed first, "Tenten, wait!" then he too started running from the training area followed by a slightly bruised Lee.

* * *

Naruto sighed, after eating thirty-seven bowls of ramen, he was finally content. He was making his way down the street when suddenly her heard screaming. Curious, he looked around the corner only to see...

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"NO! COME BACK TENTEN!"

"NEJI!!! I WILL NOT LOOSE TO YOU!!!"

"Man, I wish my team trained so intensely like that, dattebayo!"


	2. A Letter From My Boys

**So I read "A Letter" by snowqueen184 the other day (go check it out, it's cute) and it really inspired me to write a nejiten one-shot based on a letter as well. That said, I have no intention of stealing her work, so mines completely different; I just wanted to give her the credit she deserves since she was technically my muse for the story (that sounds odd, muse, what an odd word…) **

**Oh, and DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto.**

This sucks, I'm stuck in a stuffy hospital worrying about my teammates while they're out completing an awesome and dangerous mission. Life is so unfair.

Ugh, I should be there catching our meals with my amazing aim, cooking said meals, setting up traps around our camp, and using my excellent stealth skills to spy on the enemy (I swear by the hide-under-a-barrel method, it never fails me). Instead I'm recovering from a stupid allergic reaction to one of Shino's stupid beetles! Man do I hate those bugs!

Back to the mission, I wonder how my boys are handling it, especially Neji. This is the first time he has been on a mission with Gai-sensei and Lee without me to keep him sane. I wonder how he's holding up, poor thing.

"Tenten?"

"Hai Sakura?"

"I've got a letter for you."

"A letter? From who?"

"Don't know, some courier ninja just dropped it off, here."

"Thanks."

I waited until she was out of the room before I tore open the letter.

That's odd, it looks like Neji's handwriting.

Holy Shuriken! It IS Neji's handwriting!

_Tenten,_

_I'm writing to you to tell you not to worry about us, we'll be fine. Also, I hope you feel better so_

_**MY RIVAL NEJI IS CORRECT! TENTEN, THE YOUTHFUL FLOWER OF OUR TEAM, FIGHT THIS REACTION AND REGAIN YOUR YOUTH!**_

_Lee, write your own letter._

_**WHY WASTE PAPER? TO DO SO WOULD BE UNYOUTHFUL! YOSH!**_

_Stop stealing my letter! I'm trying to write to Tenten!_

_**AHA! ARE YOU GOING TO FINALLY CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TO OUR BEAUTIFUL FLOWER? THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH…**_

_BYAKUGAN!_

_**AHH! NOOO! NOT MY SPANDEX!**_

_Sorry Tenten. As I was saying, feel better so you can come back to us, and especially me. _

_I need you. _

_**YOSH! SUCH YOUTHFUL LOVE!**_

_BYAKUGAN! 64 STRIKES!_

_**NOOOOO! THE PAIN!!!**_

_**DON'T WORRY ABOUT US TENTEN! WHEN WE GET BACK, WE SHALL COMMENCE WITH A REUNION SUNRISE YOGA SESSION FOLLOWED BY 200 LAPS AROUND THE CITY! DON'T BE LATE!**_

_Can't wait to see you again,_

_Neji_

They may be crazy, but I love my boys.


	3. Neji Is NO Orator

"We are like the sides of a triangle, well I guess a rhombus if you counted Gai-sensei, but to make my point I'm leaving him out."

"GASP! WHAT BLASPHEMY!"

"Lee, Gai-sensei isn't here."

"BUT!"

"Sigh. Fine. He can be the point in the middle."

"SO WE ARE PROTECTING GAI-SENSEI?

"No."

"THEN WHY DO WE PROTECT HIM WITH OUR WALLS?"

"We just do Lee, it's just a metaphor. Geez, and stop interrupting so much, it's such a rare occasion when Neji talks this much."

"Hn."

"See what you've done? Now he's gone back to using single syllabic words!"

"NO! SPEAK, NEJI, SPEAK! I APOLOGIZE AND I SWEAR ON MY YOUTHFUL SOUL THAT I SHALL NOT INTERRUPT YOU AGAIN OR ELSE I'LL CRAB WALK 500 LAPS AROUND KONOHA!"

"Sigh. Alright. As I was saying…"

"AND THEN I SHALL DO 2,000 PUSH-UPS FOLLOWED BY…"

"Lee!"

"TENTEN!"

"LEE!"

"TENTEN!"

"LEE!

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Sensei? What are you doing here?"

"OH! I AM DOING MY YOUTHFUL MORNING JOG!"

"YOSH! GAI-SENSEI YOU ARE SO COOL!"

"YES I KNOW!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Not again."

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"No! Don't you dare do the good guy pose!"

PING!

"Gah! My eyes, they're burning! Neji! Save me!"

"Come here."

"WHAT YOUTHFUL LOVE!"

"HOW RIGHT YOU ARE LEE! THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH IS STRONG IN THEM!"

"Sensei…"

"I AM SO PROUD OF YOU MY COMRADES! THOUGH I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU DID NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP…"

"Lee…"

"YOU ARE RIGHT LEE! WHICH MAKES ME WONDER IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE THAT INCLUDES SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. I HOPE THAT YOU USE A CONDOM, NEJI!"

"YOSH! IT IS TOO EARLY FOR LITTLE TENTENS AND NEJIS RUNNING AROUND! THOUGH WHEN THE TIME COMES I HOPE THAT YOU'LL NAME ME GODFATHER TO YOU OFFSPRING!"

"Sensei! Lee! Stop it, you're embarrassing!"

"OHH! AND OF COURSE THEY WILL HAVE TO BE MARRIED! AND I OF COURSE WILL STEP IN FOR THE ROLE AS FATHER OF THE BRIDE!"

"OHH OHH! AND I CAN BE BEST MAN! YOSH! WHAT A JOYIOUS EVENT IT SHALL BE!"

"That's it. BYAKUGAN!"

"NOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!"

"Come on, Tenten, let's go."

"What about your speech?"

"Hn. I don't care about that."

"Okay! Let's go get some ice cream!"

"WAAH! REST IN PEACE, MY GREEN SPANDEX JUMPSUIT! YOU HAD ALWAYS BEEN SO LOYAL TO ME!"

"COME LEE, WE SHALL BURY IT WITH ITS BROTHERS THAT HAVE ALSO PASSED ON!"

"HAI GAI-SENSEI!"


End file.
